I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
two words: eviction party
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Im part way to drunk.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS