I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He felt like a one man threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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