But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry