More tranny stories later!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
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Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
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I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out