I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
