I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?