He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.