It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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