He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
