I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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