my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
