Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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