Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
