You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
