After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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