when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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