are you so shy because you have an std?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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