I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
PANTIES FOUND
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