oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
