maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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