At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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