Fine. I'll sleep in my office
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
