we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
