you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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