My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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