Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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