gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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