I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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