That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
