thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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