Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
