i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
