2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
