she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
