Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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