so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
