I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I hate all girls vehemently.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
