This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
