my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
