my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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