Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
