I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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