i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
