I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
