i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
