your thong is hanging out like whoa
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
