I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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