dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
