remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
