You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
