This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm both gender and math confused
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize