Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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