Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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