he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My underwear smells like fireworks.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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