I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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