I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
