are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
