Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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