This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
