I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
