Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
