Pants 0. Shit 1.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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