OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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