okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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