that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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