Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
ok first of all what the fuck
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
