Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
