it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
