This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She told me I should be a condom model.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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