There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
