if you like me you must not know who I am
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
