Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
