We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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