four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
