Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
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I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
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That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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