She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
